Marc and I were thrilled to find out that we were expecting our first child within a couple of months of being married. We had been married 5 weeks when I got pregnant. As my body began to change and adapt to carrying our little one, I realized there is such a joy of being a Mommy. Hearing my husband pray over our little one, seeing his connection to our unborn child, and his tenderness to me was amazing. Beginning the process of finding maternity clothes, finding a midwife, and telling close friends and family. Those special memories. I will never forget that quiet morning when we found out I was pregnant either.
But a few short weeks later, I would go to bed with a headache after having a good day only upon waking to start spotting shortly after. The spotting turned to cramping and bleeding and soon the loss of our first child. Marc and my dad were working on our bulk food health food store, so they were an hour away as we had not yet moved to our new home near the store. They rushed home as soon as things began to happen.
I will never forget the way I wanted to hold onto our child...to keep our baby safe inside. The honest frustration of wondering "Why God? We wanted our baby." And knowing that so many families don't want their child, yet we did. The physical pain of labor yet knowing there was no reward on the other end only loss. So there were tears mixed with the pain of labor.
Our baby was born in the wee hours of the night on September 9th. To see his amazing little body...only 13 weeks along. At 13 weeks of age, you could see his little eyes, his nose, his mouth, his ears, his ribs, his toes, his fingers, his spine...what amazing detail of design of our Heavenly Father. And, yes, we could tell it was a son. We named him Chalmer Obed. Our blessing born directly into our Heavenly Father's arms to serve and worship Him. Hence his name which means son who serves God.
While the pain and emotions were great and personal, may I please encourage any ladies reading this to please do not forget this affects your husbands too. They lost their child, they worried about your health, and they are concerned about you and your emotions. So while they may come across as the strong one, they hurt too.
Many people hesitate to share of a pregnancy until further along, but I'm so glad we did. We could pick up the phone and tell close friends and family, and they could be there to support us, cry with us, and hug us. Almost every woman I told either had had a miscarriage herself or had a sister or mother who had one. While I knew of miscarriages, I never realized how prevalent they are until we had one.
According to a Huffington Post Article, "Research consistently finds that women who have experienced a miscarriage feel that the responses of friends and family minimize the significance of the event and are dissatisfied with the support they receive." Why is this? I believe it is because we are taught that a miscarriage is shameful thing by our society. It is kept hush hush, and that is not the truth!!! God gave a life to you for a reason, a precious little one even if only to treasure for a few short weeks or days. We need to as a people of faith stop and realize that each child is a life.
Personally, I found that the women who took the time to say, "I'm so sorry." "I've been there, and I remember the pain of the loss. You will never forget nor stop loving your child; the pain just gets better over time." "Take time for you and your husband to heal." "I had 2 miscarriages (or 1 or 3...fill in the number blank) before I had my first child here on earth." were so helpful. I appreciated the people who weren't afraid to talk about our little one with us and acknowledge his life.
Even the term, miscarriage sounds like you might have done something wrong. Having to come to the point of realizing that you did nothing wrong...you did everything within your power to give life...but that somehow out of this Yahweh must have a plan is a point I had to come to. Even though it has only been a few months, I have already had the opportunity to walk with a friend through their journey of loss...while my heart breaks for her, the ability to understand her pain was a blessing I believe to both of us. Ecclesiates 4:9-10, 12 says "Two are better than one, in that their cooperative efforts yield this advantage: if one of them falls, the other will help his partner up - woe to him who is alone when he falls and has no one to help him up. Moreover, an attacker may defeat someone who is alone, but two can resist him; and a three-stranded cord is not easily broken." That is the power of shared pain...we help strengthen each other.
So in closing, I will sumerize my point in writing this blog post...one, to share what has happened in our personal life and to rejoice in Chalmer's life; two, to recognize that each life begins at conception; three, to acknowledge the pain of loss in miscarriage yet to realize Yahweh has a plan for our lives; and four, to encourage someone else who is going through or has been through this journey that it is okay to talk about it...be open about that precious life and your loss.
Do not forget Yahweh's promise in Revelation 21:4 "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will no longer be any death; and there will no longer be any mourning, crying or pain; because the old order has passed away." We all look forward to that day especially those of us who have precious little ones waiting for us there with our Heavenly Father.